Friday, January 28, 2011
YouTube - Border Guard Fired For Saying Legalization Of Drugs Would Help Stem Violence Along Mexican Border
YouTube - Border Guard Fired For Saying Legalization Of Drugs Would Help Stem Violence Along Mexican Border: "- Sent using Google Toolbar"
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Tunisian Tea Party - The Hill's Pundits Blog
Tunisian Tea Party - The Hill's Pundits Blog: "Tunisian Tea Party
By John Feehery - 01/27/11 10:53 AM ET
Revolution swept Europe in 1848.
Stoked by nationalism and poverty, France, Italy, Germany, Denmark, Belgium, Ireland and the vast reaches of the Hapsburg Empire all convulsed in tumult.
The bourgeoisie and peasant classes, angered by the ruling classes that seemed to care more for their own personal well-being than the well-being of their peoples, rose up and said enough is enough.
Most of the revolutions didn’t succeed. The Irish rebels were crushed. The Parisian rebels were stopped. The Italian and the German idealists were thwarted (many of them ended up fleeing to America).
Europe in the mid-19th century was going through a great transition. The monarchies that had long ruled had lost touch with the people. Intermarriage had made many of the kings and queens loony and weak. The Industrial Revolution had presented its own challenges, as many of the peasant class migrated to the cities to find better pay and work. The new industrialists and financiers had more wealth than the landowners, and they demanded more power. New technologies made communications and travel easier and faster everywhere but in Russia, which, significantly, didn’t face a revolution in 1848.
And though the revolutions didn’t succeed, they did send a wake-up call to the monarchists that change was inevitable. Many adapted and changed their ways, and eventually, control shifted to democracies.
Revolution, like the flu, can be contagious.
In 1968, the American civil rights movement inspired similar movements in Ireland, in Paris and across the globe.
We are seeing such a movement in the Middle East.
Of course, it started in Iran last year, where it was suppressed violently by the ruling elite.
But at the beginning of this year, Tunisian democrats — perhaps inspired by the American Tea Party, perhaps inspired by the failed Iranian revolution — said in no uncertain terms: This is bullshit.
They kicked the autocrat out of the country, and they took control of their government. It wasn’t a peaceful revolution, but it wasn’t particularly violent, either. (For example, this was no French Revolution.)
The Tunisian Tea Party seems to have inspired the Egyptians, who have long chafed under the autocracy of the Mubarak regime. As with many revolutions, the Egyptians are especially angry that the price of bread might go up. It is amazing how many revolutions start with the rising price of bread.
This, in turn, is making the rulers in Jordan and Saudi Arabia very, very nervous, as their people start agitating for more power, more control and more of a say-so over their daily lives.
America has conflicting goals here. It was nice that the Tunisians kicked out their autocrat, and it would be nice if democracy could come to Iran, and while we sure would love Egypt and Jordan to become more democratic, we sure don’t want Muslim extremists to be running those countries.
Still, it is hard for us to speak out of both sides of our mouths. In the long term, freedom should lead to more free enterprise, more democracy, more trading capabilities and closer relations with our government. In the short term, this could get pretty ugly.
Technology, poverty and anger at the ruling class are conspiring to create revolution in 2011, much like they did in 1848.
Revolution is in the air, and it can be very contagious.
Visit www.thefeeherytheory.com.
- Sent using Google Toolbar"
By John Feehery - 01/27/11 10:53 AM ET
Revolution swept Europe in 1848.
Stoked by nationalism and poverty, France, Italy, Germany, Denmark, Belgium, Ireland and the vast reaches of the Hapsburg Empire all convulsed in tumult.
The bourgeoisie and peasant classes, angered by the ruling classes that seemed to care more for their own personal well-being than the well-being of their peoples, rose up and said enough is enough.
Most of the revolutions didn’t succeed. The Irish rebels were crushed. The Parisian rebels were stopped. The Italian and the German idealists were thwarted (many of them ended up fleeing to America).
Europe in the mid-19th century was going through a great transition. The monarchies that had long ruled had lost touch with the people. Intermarriage had made many of the kings and queens loony and weak. The Industrial Revolution had presented its own challenges, as many of the peasant class migrated to the cities to find better pay and work. The new industrialists and financiers had more wealth than the landowners, and they demanded more power. New technologies made communications and travel easier and faster everywhere but in Russia, which, significantly, didn’t face a revolution in 1848.
And though the revolutions didn’t succeed, they did send a wake-up call to the monarchists that change was inevitable. Many adapted and changed their ways, and eventually, control shifted to democracies.
Revolution, like the flu, can be contagious.
In 1968, the American civil rights movement inspired similar movements in Ireland, in Paris and across the globe.
We are seeing such a movement in the Middle East.
Of course, it started in Iran last year, where it was suppressed violently by the ruling elite.
But at the beginning of this year, Tunisian democrats — perhaps inspired by the American Tea Party, perhaps inspired by the failed Iranian revolution — said in no uncertain terms: This is bullshit.
They kicked the autocrat out of the country, and they took control of their government. It wasn’t a peaceful revolution, but it wasn’t particularly violent, either. (For example, this was no French Revolution.)
The Tunisian Tea Party seems to have inspired the Egyptians, who have long chafed under the autocracy of the Mubarak regime. As with many revolutions, the Egyptians are especially angry that the price of bread might go up. It is amazing how many revolutions start with the rising price of bread.
This, in turn, is making the rulers in Jordan and Saudi Arabia very, very nervous, as their people start agitating for more power, more control and more of a say-so over their daily lives.
America has conflicting goals here. It was nice that the Tunisians kicked out their autocrat, and it would be nice if democracy could come to Iran, and while we sure would love Egypt and Jordan to become more democratic, we sure don’t want Muslim extremists to be running those countries.
Still, it is hard for us to speak out of both sides of our mouths. In the long term, freedom should lead to more free enterprise, more democracy, more trading capabilities and closer relations with our government. In the short term, this could get pretty ugly.
Technology, poverty and anger at the ruling class are conspiring to create revolution in 2011, much like they did in 1848.
Revolution is in the air, and it can be very contagious.
Visit www.thefeeherytheory.com.
- Sent using Google Toolbar"
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
In Re: HaLeigh Cummings is NOW AVAILABLE!
Home: "In Re: HaLeigh Cummings is NOW AVAILABLE!
Some folks are requesting a personal note from me in their book (the pleasure is all mine.)
If you would like to order (signed) copies directly please send $25.00 per copy (S&H) included and I will ship you a copy.
Timothy Holmseth - 320 17th Street N.W. - Unit 17
East Grand Forks, MN
56721
or pay with Pay Pal
Pay Pal orders ship within 24 hours
- Sent using Google Toolbar"
Some folks are requesting a personal note from me in their book (the pleasure is all mine.)
If you would like to order (signed) copies directly please send $25.00 per copy (S&H) included and I will ship you a copy.
Timothy Holmseth - 320 17th Street N.W. - Unit 17
East Grand Forks, MN
56721
or pay with Pay Pal
Pay Pal orders ship within 24 hours
- Sent using Google Toolbar"
Report - Marion Shows Elevated Cancer Risk from Air Pollutants | Marion Online - The Online News and Information Source for Marion, Ohio
Report - Marion Shows Elevated Cancer Risk from Air Pollutants | Marion Online - The Online News and Information Source for Marion, Ohio: "Report - Marion Shows Elevated Cancer Risk from Air Pollutants
Thu, 01/06/2011 - 10:37am | Staff Report
Filed Under:
* Health
* State of Ohio
Ohio’s air quality has been improving during the last decade, although improvements are still needed in urban areas and some specific sections of the state. Ten years of monitoring data from 34 air toxics monitoring sites located in 16 Ohio counties, including Marion, have been compiled and evaluated as Ohio EPA’s 2010 All Ohio Air Toxics Report.
Not all of the air monitors were sampled continuously during the study’s 10-year term.
The locations tested in Marion included 635 Bellefontaine Avenue and 441 Whitmore Street. These location are near each other with current and former industrial sites in between.
The Whitmore location had the second highest risk, among areas tested, for heavy metal compounds. These results were higher for the cancer risk than for the non-cancer risk.
According to U.S. EPA data, a majority of air toxics come from mobile sources – automobiles, buses, trucks, trains, boats and planes. However, there are specific areas where a single industrial source has been identified to be contributing a great deal to localized air quality issues. When this has happened, Ohio EPA has taken enforcement action and worked to reduce the problem.
Director Chris Korleski said the report takes each year’s air toxics results and puts them together in a document that shows meaningful trends.
“This report allows scientists to identify specific areas of concern potentially requiring further Ohio EPA action, such as assisting with voluntary reduction efforts and compliance with new federal standards. It also helps us monitor if improvement is occurring in Ohio’s urban areas.”
Based on U.S. EPA risk guidelines and toxicity values for volatile organic compounds (VOCs) and heavy metals, Ohio EPA compared data from the air monitors to health-based standards. These standards estimate the number of additional cancers and other health problems associated with inhaling pollutants at various concentrations.
U.S. EPA considers a risk level of fewer than 1 in 10,000 additional cancers associated with constantly breathing an air pollutant to be within acceptable levels. While nine of the 16 counties are within the risk range deemed acceptable, seven counties have a slightly greater than 1 in 10,000 risk for additional cancers. These counties are: Columbiana, Hamilton, Jefferson, Marion, Montgomery, Scioto and Washington.
Cancer is not the only disease that breathing air pollution can cause and the study examined non-cancer-related illnesses as well. The concentrations of VOCs at three sites exhibit higher non-cancer risk levels. Heavy metal concentrations (most often manganese) at more than half of the air monitoring sites lead to an increased non-cancer health risk.
The study results are designed to provide a useful summary of ambient air quality information about air toxics compounds to the public, including academic researchers, other governmental agency and health care professionals, and Ohio EPA’s pollution control partners throughout the state. While this information depicts air pollution measurements sometimes down to the neighborhood level, any individual conclusions regarding actual exposures or health impacts should be addressed by an individual’s personal physician. Specific caveats and assumptions regarding interpretation of these results are explained in detail in the report.
You can find the complete report by clicking here.
http://www.epa.ohio.gov/portals/27/atu/AllOhioAirToxicsReport2010.pdf
Thu, 01/06/2011 - 10:37am | Staff Report
Filed Under:
* Health
* State of Ohio
Ohio’s air quality has been improving during the last decade, although improvements are still needed in urban areas and some specific sections of the state. Ten years of monitoring data from 34 air toxics monitoring sites located in 16 Ohio counties, including Marion, have been compiled and evaluated as Ohio EPA’s 2010 All Ohio Air Toxics Report.
Not all of the air monitors were sampled continuously during the study’s 10-year term.
The locations tested in Marion included 635 Bellefontaine Avenue and 441 Whitmore Street. These location are near each other with current and former industrial sites in between.
The Whitmore location had the second highest risk, among areas tested, for heavy metal compounds. These results were higher for the cancer risk than for the non-cancer risk.
According to U.S. EPA data, a majority of air toxics come from mobile sources – automobiles, buses, trucks, trains, boats and planes. However, there are specific areas where a single industrial source has been identified to be contributing a great deal to localized air quality issues. When this has happened, Ohio EPA has taken enforcement action and worked to reduce the problem.
Director Chris Korleski said the report takes each year’s air toxics results and puts them together in a document that shows meaningful trends.
“This report allows scientists to identify specific areas of concern potentially requiring further Ohio EPA action, such as assisting with voluntary reduction efforts and compliance with new federal standards. It also helps us monitor if improvement is occurring in Ohio’s urban areas.”
Based on U.S. EPA risk guidelines and toxicity values for volatile organic compounds (VOCs) and heavy metals, Ohio EPA compared data from the air monitors to health-based standards. These standards estimate the number of additional cancers and other health problems associated with inhaling pollutants at various concentrations.
U.S. EPA considers a risk level of fewer than 1 in 10,000 additional cancers associated with constantly breathing an air pollutant to be within acceptable levels. While nine of the 16 counties are within the risk range deemed acceptable, seven counties have a slightly greater than 1 in 10,000 risk for additional cancers. These counties are: Columbiana, Hamilton, Jefferson, Marion, Montgomery, Scioto and Washington.
Cancer is not the only disease that breathing air pollution can cause and the study examined non-cancer-related illnesses as well. The concentrations of VOCs at three sites exhibit higher non-cancer risk levels. Heavy metal concentrations (most often manganese) at more than half of the air monitoring sites lead to an increased non-cancer health risk.
The study results are designed to provide a useful summary of ambient air quality information about air toxics compounds to the public, including academic researchers, other governmental agency and health care professionals, and Ohio EPA’s pollution control partners throughout the state. While this information depicts air pollution measurements sometimes down to the neighborhood level, any individual conclusions regarding actual exposures or health impacts should be addressed by an individual’s personal physician. Specific caveats and assumptions regarding interpretation of these results are explained in detail in the report.
You can find the complete report by clicking here.
http://www.epa.ohio.gov/portals/27/atu/AllOhioAirToxicsReport2010.pdf
Urgent Need for Blood Donors | Marion Online - The Online News and Information Source for Marion, Ohio
Urgent Need for Blood Donors | Marion Online - The Online News and Information Source for Marion, Ohio: "Urgent Need for Blood Donors
Tue, 01/11/2011 - 8:36am | Staff Report
Filed Under:
* Health
* Red Cross
Since 1970, January has been declared National Volunteer Blood Donor Month, and with good reason. Above all other times of the year, it’s the month that presents the most challenges in recruiting people to give blood. This January is no exception with the local Red Cross in an urgent need for more donors.
Changing weather, busy holiday schedules, increased cold and flu symptoms and even the winter blues can keep the most dedicated blood donors from making or keeping an appointment to give. Yet winter weather can lead to more traumatic injuries on icy roads and may increase the need for blood.
The local Red Cross needs about 650 blood donors every day to meet the needs of patients at 41 area hospitals. However, there has been a 10 percent dip in blood donations so far this winter. Recent blood drive cancellations due to weather also meant the Red Cross was not able to collect nearly 500 donations it had planned on for patients. And as the Red Cross is trying to recruit donors, a high number of people asked to give are reporting cold or flu symptoms, which make them not able to donate.
“There are so many unpredictable factors at play that can affect the blood supply during January; it’s a critical time to remind the public of the need for more donors,” said Rodney Wilson, communications manager for the American Red Cross Central Ohio Blood Services Region. “If you are in good health, now is the time to share that good health with patients in need.”
The dip in donations has also caused a decrease in the local blood inventory of key blood types including O-negative, A-negative and B-negative.
As an added bonus for blood donors, those who come to give during January can enter to win free groceries for a year from Kroger.
The Red Cross urges everyone to make donating blood a priority this winter. Your help could mean hope for those in need. To find out where you can give blood and to schedule your appointment, go to www.redcrossblood.org or call 1-800-RED CROSS, for additional information.
If you are at least 17 years of age (16 with parental consent in some states), meet height and weigh requirements (at least 110 pounds based on height) and are in good general health, you may be eligible to donate blood. All donors need to present positive identification.
Tue, 01/11/2011 - 8:36am | Staff Report
Filed Under:
* Health
* Red Cross
Since 1970, January has been declared National Volunteer Blood Donor Month, and with good reason. Above all other times of the year, it’s the month that presents the most challenges in recruiting people to give blood. This January is no exception with the local Red Cross in an urgent need for more donors.
Changing weather, busy holiday schedules, increased cold and flu symptoms and even the winter blues can keep the most dedicated blood donors from making or keeping an appointment to give. Yet winter weather can lead to more traumatic injuries on icy roads and may increase the need for blood.
The local Red Cross needs about 650 blood donors every day to meet the needs of patients at 41 area hospitals. However, there has been a 10 percent dip in blood donations so far this winter. Recent blood drive cancellations due to weather also meant the Red Cross was not able to collect nearly 500 donations it had planned on for patients. And as the Red Cross is trying to recruit donors, a high number of people asked to give are reporting cold or flu symptoms, which make them not able to donate.
“There are so many unpredictable factors at play that can affect the blood supply during January; it’s a critical time to remind the public of the need for more donors,” said Rodney Wilson, communications manager for the American Red Cross Central Ohio Blood Services Region. “If you are in good health, now is the time to share that good health with patients in need.”
The dip in donations has also caused a decrease in the local blood inventory of key blood types including O-negative, A-negative and B-negative.
As an added bonus for blood donors, those who come to give during January can enter to win free groceries for a year from Kroger.
The Red Cross urges everyone to make donating blood a priority this winter. Your help could mean hope for those in need. To find out where you can give blood and to schedule your appointment, go to www.redcrossblood.org or call 1-800-RED CROSS, for additional information.
If you are at least 17 years of age (16 with parental consent in some states), meet height and weigh requirements (at least 110 pounds based on height) and are in good general health, you may be eligible to donate blood. All donors need to present positive identification.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
AZ congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords shot in Tucson
AZ congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords shot in Tucson: "- Sent using Google Toolbar"
Friday, January 7, 2011
Cervical Cancer update! A Soldiers battle scars, Walking to deaths door and back again until the enemy is desecrated
I slept most of today so I will post more later this morning. My sleep has been erratic, but I have answers finally about that too. It looks like I will be living with that and everything else, the radiation from my treatment years ago, which at the time was experimental, well it worked and it saved my life, but I had so much and, well anyway me and the other girls who have had this (I was in some clinical trials and stuff where they did some radical things to me, they told me they were walking me to deaths door and praying I would come back. It was a rough cancer journey.) anyway, the other girls were about the same as me and they are having the same issues as me, so I was relieved to have some answers and have proof these things are from treatment. I always wonder if I am going crazy, getting old or just lazy... lol so,
The scan came back as showing NO cancer, but the spot on my bladder calls for further checking since the radiation they injected into my bloodstream yesterday settles in the bladder, they can not tell if the inflammation is scarring from radiation, an infection, or cancer, so they are sending me to another specialist next week BUT, they are leaning away from it being cancer and more towards scarring. The bladder inflammation is the only area of concern and it looks like it will be ok, well, at least it most likely is not cancer.
They said I have a lot of internal damage from the chemo and radiation. So, as for the rest of me, they checked me with the pet scan and there is no cancer recurrence anywhere in my body! (Some of the chemo and treatments I was subjected to actually have cancer as a side effect, so that is also scary to me.)
I am now also finally going to have a personal advocate for my quality of life care and survivor-ship. I meet with her next week! This is AWESOME to me! I am so happy to finally have some answers and some help with my journey! THANK you all for caring so much. It means so much to me. really. <3
:0) Everything is still sinking in, and I have been wiped out from everything and sleeping erratically so hang with me, I will post more soon. I can't thank you all enough for your kind word and caring. It means more to me than you will ever know. God Bless, hugs <3
Keep praying, it is working as always! <3 ;0)
I have been working on a book about my cancer experience. Here is some of my ramblings ;0)
To those of you going through cancer, you should never be afraid to share your cancer journey, or reach out to someone who is going through it. You might be afraid you won't have the right thing to say to a cancer patient, or something, but believe me, they need you and it won't give you cancer to reach out. A small act of kindness, help with family needs, financial help, a smile, a card, help washing dishes, transportation, watching the kids, anything, it is all appreciated because cancer zaps you, in every way of your being, and even years after, there are struggles because your life is different, you are a different person and for me, that journey has been the hardest. I know who I was before cancer, but I still don't know who "this" girl is. I am disabled now. I used to be so active. There are some people who actually need space to handle things, and sometimes I did also, please don't be offended if the person seems ungrateful or refuses company. It takes a lot of mental work to deal with the cancer experience and that alone can be exhausting. Of course watch for signs of depression, but otherwise give them the space they need. It can be a difficult balance at times.
Those who were not on my journey can not understand what it felt like when I was severely ill and had home health care in bed for a year or so, or when they overdosed me with chemo and about killed all my blood cells, or when I was alone in a cold dark room one night at the James, on the high risk maternity ward when they came in to tell me I needed to prep for surgery, it was to risky for the baby and they would have to end the pregnancy, then coming back in later to tell me they made a mistake and it was my roommate, you can only imagine the pain and then the guilt, the guilty relief and so on.
I think it really hit me, like a train wreck, when after being life flighted to the OSU Med center/ James Cancer Hospital from my local hospital, who couldn't get my bleeding to stop, I got transferred to another room. This after running many tests in the er and managing the bleeding at a sustainable level, including transfusions. I was out of it when they transferred me, this was also before my actual diagnosis. I think it was my family and husband who wheeled me out of my hospital room to get some new scenery, when I looked up and read on the wall "Gynecologic Oncology Maternity Ward" for high risk pregnancies, or something like that. I then looked at my family who all looked down and away with that look, the one that says it all, sad and like they all already knew, and now were watching me discover the truth they wish I never would, as if, at that moment, somehow they felt like if they wouldn't have let me read the wall or if I hadn't seen it, that somehow they could shelter me from it, or somehow it wouldn't be true, because even though the tests weren't back yet, they pretty much knew I had cancer. More-so, we all knew what that could mean for our baby.
Well, more on that later...
So, I am not able to be who I was ever again and I think today, I am finally okay with that, and okay with those people who don't understand my personal cancer experience and expect more from me than I can be, or those who think I will never be able to do anything. Those who called themselves friends, put distance between us, even yelled at me and called me lazy, gave me stories about someone they heard of who was able to just bounce right back into their life and care for like 8 children, and those who said I should just smile and have faith and just be normal, I forgive them, because they can't understand this battle, this journey, because it is mine and I can't expect them to understand, but oh how I wish they did. I do hope they see one day. I know some people bounce right back from cancer, a small mole removed, or a minor surgery, but each is different and sometimes the internal struggle is more difficult, no matter how intense the treatment.
I wish I had more to give, more to be, and maybe one day it will all click, maybe that day is today. Right now, this is who I am and this is what I have on my plate and in my tool bag, so I work with what I have and it has to be enough, for me. I tend to have perfectionist tendencies, and can be my worst enemy. I really have to stop that.
I was walked to deaths door over and over like a soldier drafted to an inevitable war, the battle my own, still some chose to step in, while doing everything I could to retain the casualties inward, yet knowing full well the collateral damage an experience like cancer can have on everyone and everything close to me, and those who mean the world to me. We tred on relentless, with the best doctors, nurses, friends, and community holding my hand, until every last cancer cell was destroyed. I lived, but many other parts of me were destroyed along with the cancer. This was my battle, my journey, and I fought like a warrior, clinging like a child desperately to God's hand. Some things I will never get back. Some I might and some I already have.
But those absent during that time can't judge my progress where I am and who I am right now, and I don't expect them to understand, but it is like a wonderful new chance to discover who we are all over again and learn new things about each other, because life, in whatever extreme, always changes people.So, it is what it is and today I am ready to live in this body that has scared me for five years, I am ready to accept its limitations, and count them as heroic badges of courage, like a soldier with battle scars.
more soon....
--
Ask me about remote computer repair service. I can fix most computer issues from here. Scheduled as soon as possible to fit your schedule.
chromedaffodils@yahoo.com
http://chromelightning.blogspot.com
The scan came back as showing NO cancer, but the spot on my bladder calls for further checking since the radiation they injected into my bloodstream yesterday settles in the bladder, they can not tell if the inflammation is scarring from radiation, an infection, or cancer, so they are sending me to another specialist next week BUT, they are leaning away from it being cancer and more towards scarring. The bladder inflammation is the only area of concern and it looks like it will be ok, well, at least it most likely is not cancer.
They said I have a lot of internal damage from the chemo and radiation. So, as for the rest of me, they checked me with the pet scan and there is no cancer recurrence anywhere in my body! (Some of the chemo and treatments I was subjected to actually have cancer as a side effect, so that is also scary to me.)
I am now also finally going to have a personal advocate for my quality of life care and survivor-ship. I meet with her next week! This is AWESOME to me! I am so happy to finally have some answers and some help with my journey! THANK you all for caring so much. It means so much to me. really. <3
:0) Everything is still sinking in, and I have been wiped out from everything and sleeping erratically so hang with me, I will post more soon. I can't thank you all enough for your kind word and caring. It means more to me than you will ever know. God Bless, hugs <3
Keep praying, it is working as always! <3 ;0)
I have been working on a book about my cancer experience. Here is some of my ramblings ;0)
To those of you going through cancer, you should never be afraid to share your cancer journey, or reach out to someone who is going through it. You might be afraid you won't have the right thing to say to a cancer patient, or something, but believe me, they need you and it won't give you cancer to reach out. A small act of kindness, help with family needs, financial help, a smile, a card, help washing dishes, transportation, watching the kids, anything, it is all appreciated because cancer zaps you, in every way of your being, and even years after, there are struggles because your life is different, you are a different person and for me, that journey has been the hardest. I know who I was before cancer, but I still don't know who "this" girl is. I am disabled now. I used to be so active. There are some people who actually need space to handle things, and sometimes I did also, please don't be offended if the person seems ungrateful or refuses company. It takes a lot of mental work to deal with the cancer experience and that alone can be exhausting. Of course watch for signs of depression, but otherwise give them the space they need. It can be a difficult balance at times.
Those who were not on my journey can not understand what it felt like when I was severely ill and had home health care in bed for a year or so, or when they overdosed me with chemo and about killed all my blood cells, or when I was alone in a cold dark room one night at the James, on the high risk maternity ward when they came in to tell me I needed to prep for surgery, it was to risky for the baby and they would have to end the pregnancy, then coming back in later to tell me they made a mistake and it was my roommate, you can only imagine the pain and then the guilt, the guilty relief and so on.
I think it really hit me, like a train wreck, when after being life flighted to the OSU Med center/ James Cancer Hospital from my local hospital, who couldn't get my bleeding to stop, I got transferred to another room. This after running many tests in the er and managing the bleeding at a sustainable level, including transfusions. I was out of it when they transferred me, this was also before my actual diagnosis. I think it was my family and husband who wheeled me out of my hospital room to get some new scenery, when I looked up and read on the wall "Gynecologic Oncology Maternity Ward" for high risk pregnancies, or something like that. I then looked at my family who all looked down and away with that look, the one that says it all, sad and like they all already knew, and now were watching me discover the truth they wish I never would, as if, at that moment, somehow they felt like if they wouldn't have let me read the wall or if I hadn't seen it, that somehow they could shelter me from it, or somehow it wouldn't be true, because even though the tests weren't back yet, they pretty much knew I had cancer. More-so, we all knew what that could mean for our baby.
Well, more on that later...
So, I am not able to be who I was ever again and I think today, I am finally okay with that, and okay with those people who don't understand my personal cancer experience and expect more from me than I can be, or those who think I will never be able to do anything. Those who called themselves friends, put distance between us, even yelled at me and called me lazy, gave me stories about someone they heard of who was able to just bounce right back into their life and care for like 8 children, and those who said I should just smile and have faith and just be normal, I forgive them, because they can't understand this battle, this journey, because it is mine and I can't expect them to understand, but oh how I wish they did. I do hope they see one day. I know some people bounce right back from cancer, a small mole removed, or a minor surgery, but each is different and sometimes the internal struggle is more difficult, no matter how intense the treatment.
I wish I had more to give, more to be, and maybe one day it will all click, maybe that day is today. Right now, this is who I am and this is what I have on my plate and in my tool bag, so I work with what I have and it has to be enough, for me. I tend to have perfectionist tendencies, and can be my worst enemy. I really have to stop that.
I was walked to deaths door over and over like a soldier drafted to an inevitable war, the battle my own, still some chose to step in, while doing everything I could to retain the casualties inward, yet knowing full well the collateral damage an experience like cancer can have on everyone and everything close to me, and those who mean the world to me. We tred on relentless, with the best doctors, nurses, friends, and community holding my hand, until every last cancer cell was destroyed. I lived, but many other parts of me were destroyed along with the cancer. This was my battle, my journey, and I fought like a warrior, clinging like a child desperately to God's hand. Some things I will never get back. Some I might and some I already have.
But those absent during that time can't judge my progress where I am and who I am right now, and I don't expect them to understand, but it is like a wonderful new chance to discover who we are all over again and learn new things about each other, because life, in whatever extreme, always changes people.So, it is what it is and today I am ready to live in this body that has scared me for five years, I am ready to accept its limitations, and count them as heroic badges of courage, like a soldier with battle scars.
more soon....
--
Ask me about remote computer repair service. I can fix most computer issues from here. Scheduled as soon as possible to fit your schedule.
chromedaffodils@yahoo.com
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Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Cervical Cancer update!
Pray am PET scan & oncologist apt at the Ohio State's James Cancer Hospital & Solove Research Institute goes Great! I'm @ 5 yrs #cancer free & cancer probably won't return if I get the all clear! So, I'm nervous & excited & hence wide awake...
The PET scan is in part due to a spot the found on my bladder on an ultrasound, and partly as my regular follow up.
I will let you know how it goes when I know! :0)
#LIVESTRONG
The PET scan is in part due to a spot the found on my bladder on an ultrasound, and partly as my regular follow up.
I will let you know how it goes when I know! :0)
#LIVESTRONG
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haleigh cummings